Recently we had a good friend visit unexpectedly. It was such a treasure to see and spend time with him. During his visit he shared a book with me that has completely captured my attention, The Wild Edge of Sorrow, by Francis Weller.
It is wise, powerful and clear. It discusses grief in a way that is useful and grounded.
I want to spend this letter addressing sorrow, loss, and grief. In our culture, grief is an orphan. It is a discarded and ignored entity. Grief is given little to no space to do its job. We live in a culture that expects positive confidence and a can do attitude for any trouble that arises. Thus when sorrow comes to visit, I don’t know what to do with it. I consider myself a person with strong emotional intelligence, yet amidst deep grief, I feel adrift in an unknown territory with no navigational skills. As my chest aches and my middle feels sunk in a bog of dense water, I am mostly thinking - how do I get out of this? Once I feel a return to “normal” I give little time and attention to this visitation of grief. I want to return to a sense of wellness and stay there.
Yet, I am slowly coming to realize, I cannot out run or ignore this grief. It is here and it is demanding my attention. The profound sense of loss I feel at times completely overtakes me. The rest of life seems to dull in relevance and this ache inside is the only thing I feel. Knowing my dad is gone is the first layer, the first target of my sorrow. But it feels this grief points to all of the other losses throughout my life that I glossed over, eager to move on and stay in optimism and confidence. Weller addresses another element of grief, collective grief. He recognizes the real impact felt in us all as we witness or experience the degradation of our biosphere, the upending of lives through fires and extreme storms, the impact of wars, of violence, of poverty, of racism. I was so thankful to hear him recognize the collective impact of trauma and to acknowledge this real impact on each one of us individually, whether we recognize it or not.
I feel I am at the very beginning of this journey through grief. It is something I know I must walk through and I wanted to share my experience in order to bring grief to the surface, to help honor it and give it some space to speak.
Until next Friday!
Be well, breathe, read, and make some art!
Jen